I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
