he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
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The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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