you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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