I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
420 ftw
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
