Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
