I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
