I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
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Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I think weed is turning my hair brown
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He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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