THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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