Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
