Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
