I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
your room smells of hookers.
And success
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
