Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
