How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
