can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize