He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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