can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
