At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
