and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
