One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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