He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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