The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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