We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
