i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Randomize
