someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
