So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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