So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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