is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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