I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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