Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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