Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
