I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
