I wannas sexs uuuuu
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
