omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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