I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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