oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
