Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
