You just made me feel so damn special
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
