I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
