He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My ass is underappreciated
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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