I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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