is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
