I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
