I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
