We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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