Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
