He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
