My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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