So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
