I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
