I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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