what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
