Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
