I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
