if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
