Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
