I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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