i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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